Defeating Anxiety

Jacob Moore is an inspiration to me. I’ve known him his entire life, and I’ve watched him successfully defeat depression, anxiety, and doubt and go on to help others.

Back in March, he interviewed me about my struggles with anxiety for the blog he used to run called Better Than Depression. I shared some things that I had never told anyone before, because I didn’t know that what I was dealing with was anxiety and because I kept it to myself.

Here’s the interview, reposted with Jacob’s permission.

Jacob Moore: How old are you?

Chris Queen: I’m 47.

JM: What do you do for a living?

CQ: I’m Director of Communications at Eastridge Church in Covington, GA. We’re a large congregation with two campuses – soon to be three – and between 1,000 and 1,200 in attendance.

I also have a side hustle as a writer. I’ve written about politics and culture, and I’ve also written general content for websites. It’s a nice way to use one of my God-given talents to make some extra money.

JM: What's your dream job?

CQ: I’ve often said that if I could write full time, I would be in heaven.

JM: Do you have any pets?

CQ: I don’t personally, but my family all lives close, and my nieces have a mini Australian Shepherd named Coco.

JM: Myers-Briggs Type?

CQ: I’m an ESFJ. The funny thing about that is that any extrovert vs. introvert quiz I’ve ever taken puts me right in the middle.

JM: Enneagram?

CQ: I’m a 2.

JM: What about you do you think most mirrors or represents God?

CQ: I love to encourage people, especially when they’re down or struggling. I also believe that I have a servant’s heart, and I enjoy helping others.

JM: Do you struggle with anxiety, depression, or both?

CQ: I deal with anxiety on a regular basis.

JM: How long have you struggled with anxiety?

CQ: As long as I can remember. The first Bible verse I memorized growing up was Psalm 56:3, “But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” I remember my great-grandmother teaching me that verse, most certainly in response to a fear that I had. (I’m sure she taught it to me in KJV.)

Here’s an example of my anxiety as a child. I wanted to be a weatherman when I grew up – not a meteorologist, but the guy who delivered the weather on television. During one of the weather reports, I remember seeing a story about a school that got hit by a tornado, and as a result, I became anxious and irrationally afraid of tornadoes. I would worry about storms and tornadoes. When I learned that thunderstorms usually come from the southwest, I figured out that my bedroom was on the southwest corner of the house, so I reasoned that, if a tornado hit my family’s house, I would die first.

I did outgrow that fear, but my weather fascination hasn’t changed a bit. These days, instead of being afraid of storms, I love to watch and study them.

I really didn’t realize what I was dealing with was anxiety until a couple of years ago. I thought everybody did what I did and thought the way I thought. It wasn’t until I did more research that I realized what it was and started working on how to get it under control.

JM: Can you describe what anxiety/depression feel like to you?

CQ: My anxiety manifests itself in worry and dread. And it’s not worries about big stuff – in a crisis, I’m pretty cool, calm, and rational. It’s worries about little things that cause dread and anxiety for me.

It’s all internalized for me. It’s never debilitating, and nobody but me knows that I’m dreading a future event or the next day or whatever’s in my head. I can easily appear to be just fine when I’m freaking out inside.

JM: When depression/anxiety strike(s), can you feel it settling in?

CQ: Usually. It doesn’t come out of nowhere, that’s for sure.

JM: How long does it normally last?

CQ: It can be minutes or hours, and it can come and go.

JM: In what ways do you think your anxiety/depression impacted your childhood (if applicable)?

CQ: I know that I internalized a lot of fears, but I don’t know if it affected me much as a child. I can say that I didn’t take chances and risks like a lot of kids do, so anxiety may have played into that.

JM: In what ways do you think your anxiety/depression impact your adulthood?

CQ: I can look back and wonder how many hours I’ve wasted dreading an event or day or interaction. I’ve expended countless amounts of mental energy (is that measurable?), and it has robbed me of joy far too often.

JM: Do you remember your most anxious/depressed day or period of time?

CQ: I can remember a period in my early thirties when I dreaded the start of the work week every week. Bear in mind that I have a job that I absolutely love, but for a certain period of time I would spend Sunday nights dreading the start of the work week – for no reason!

JM: Do you remember your happiest day or period of time?

CQ: You know, I’d have to say now. Now that I know what to expect from my anxiety and how to cope with it, I have a better appreciation for what God has given me.

JM: On a scale of 1 - 10, how mentally healthy would you rate yourself today?

CQ: Anywhere between a 7 and a 9, depending on the day (and maybe depending on my level of humility).

JM: What tools, habits, or daily practices do you implement to combat your anxiety/depression?

CQ: Worship and prayer are my biggest tools for defeating anxiety. My faith is strong and comes naturally, so praying, engaging in worship, and reading God’s Word are powerful tools.

I’ve learned to control my breathing when I feel anxiety coming on. It’s amazing how helpful just taking some deep breaths can be.

I also take CBD oil in small doses. It goes a long way in helping me calm my mind and body. I recommend it from a reputable salesperson – not the fake stuff that you can grab at a convenience store.

JM: Are there any tools, habits, or daily practices you're aware of that you feel like you should implement but haven't yet?

CQ: Last year I read the amazing book Holy Noticing. It’s about biblically based mindfulness. I have the best of intentions in trying to implement it in my life. I just wish I were more diligent about it.

JM: Do you/have you seek/sought professional help?

CQ: I haven’t.

JM: Are you on any medication?

CQ: I haven’t taken any medication, mainly because I’ve been able to keep my anxiety under control. It’s never been debilitating for me, so I’ve never really thought about medication.

JM: What are some things you wish your friends and family understood about your anxiety/depression?

CQ: Good question. I keep pretty quiet about it, but I guess if friends and family see me sort of lost in myself, it could be because I’m dealing with anxiety at the moment.

JM: If you could share one piece of advice to someone struggling greatly with anxiety/depression, what would it be?

CQ: Don’t give up. There’s always hope. “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning” (Psalm 30:5b).

JM: What book(s) do you most recommend anyone in the world should read, be it fiction, self-help, history, etc.?

CQ: Holy Noticing, for sure. There’s not just good theology and practice in that book; there’s also plenty of science about the good that mindfulness from a Christian perspective can do for you physically.

I read so much that it would be hard to nail down some specifics. My all-time favorite novels are The Samurai, which is about a group of samurai and the missionary who is trying to convert them in 17th century Japan, and Family Linen, a Southern comedy-drama about the secrets that arise in a family after the death of a family matriarch. And everybody should read Flannery O’Connor’s short stories.

I like a lot of non-fiction too. For the last couple of years, I’ve been trying to read a biography of each one of the presidents. I’m also currently reading – for the second time – David Starkey’s Crown and Country, a history of the British monarchy.

JM: If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?

CQ: Apollo 13 is my all-time favorite movie, but for the sake of this question, I’m going to cheat a little bit and say the original Star Wars trilogy.

Photo by Fernando @cferdophotography on Unsplash